his week’s question (Have your own? Email us.):
I live in West Philly and the guy I’m dating lives in Jersey. We’ve made it work for a year, but gas costs so much these days and that trip is becoming less worth it. He doesn’t live near a bus or a train. I sometimes say I’m busy because I can’t justify the cost. He’s very good about coming to me though. I’m thinking maybe this isn’t the right relationship if for me it’s not worth the gas money. Am I right?
Jason Nark, Life & Culture Reporter
I have a lot to say about this one. Let’s cut to the chase: if you’re making up lies to drive to Jersey (South? North? The Shore?), then this isn’t just about gas prices.
I just so happen to be in a long-distance relationship myself, and it’s the longest distance by far for me. I live in South Jersey, and my girlfriend lives in the Catskills. I’m up there for long weekends about twice a month, and she travels here often, too. I can justify the cost because I’m in love.
Philly traffic is a unique animal, though. Dating someone in, say, Mt. Airy or King of Prussia might be close, as the crow flies, but that’s a hell of a drive for me on the Schuylkill. It would grow old quick, again, if love weren’t involved.
Abigail Covington, Life & Culture Reporter
Right. That’s a big if though.
I feel like this person already has their answer, they just need a little encouragement. If the issue were truly the distance and the gas prices, there are ways to solve that without breaking up. Like moving. Given that he’s good about coming to you, maybe he would be open to moving? But ask yourself if that’s really what you want.
Jason Nark
Exactly, I’m quite broke, but I make it work. If he lives in Hoboken or Cape May, I can see how it would empty the tank. If you’re still in on him, I suggest downloading the Wawa Rewards app and filling up there. You don’t have to pump your own gas, and it’s slightly cheaper. Plus, with all the rewards points, you’ll never pay for coffee again.
(This is not a paid promotion for Wawa.)
Abigail Covington
Ha! That’s very sound advice. But I get the sense that this person is looking for an out and asking for permission, so here it is: It’s OK to break up. He sounds like a nice guy, but if he was actually the one, he’d be worth the gas money. Trust your gut.
Jason Nark
I think so too.
If you’re still on the fence, though, maybe you could explain it to him? Maybe he could offer to fill your tank?
Abigail Covington
If you’re still on the fence, definitely bring it up. You’ll learn pretty quickly if it’s actually about the money or not. For instance, if he starts filling up your tank for you, and you’re still reluctant to make the trip, well, then, you know your issue is a matter of the heart not the moola.
For what it’s worth, long distance relationships are hard!
Jason Nark
Long distance has been perfect for me because I have a ton of stuff going on and a bunch of kids. We each have our own lives and come together when we can. For me, the long distance strengthens the longing, but I might not have felt that way 20 years ago.
(When average gas prices were under $3.)
