Sideshow: Stars are thankful, too

On this day we pay obeisance to our beloved celebrities and give thanks for their bounty of faux pas and scandals that have brightened our arid existence.

So, for what are

they

, our consumerist gods, thankful?

Denzel Washington

is most articulate: "Man, just life. Every day. I just wake up every day, and I'm just thankful for another one."

Reese Witherspoon

embraces the flux: "Just change. It feels like a new kind of year, a hopeful time."

Jennifer Lopez

is all down-to- earth Jenny From the Block : "It's just going to be a big Puerto Rican Thanksgiving."

Sure,

Brooke Burke

, 37, has a body to die for. But it's those dimples that really get you.

Seems they got to the judges on

Dancing With the Stars

, too: The former model, who has created four beauteous children, was crowned champion of the popular ABC talent show on Tuesday night. Brooke, who dominated the seventh season, beat out NFL dude

Warren Sapp

and

'N Sync

's aging boy-band boy,

Lance Bass

, with a Viennese waltz that earned her an 88 out of 90 from the judges and massive votage from viewers.

"Unbelievable," Brooke said. Her pro partner,

Derek Hough

, seemed equally surprised.

"I actually can't believe it," he said. "The journey's been so long. It's been tough. It's been wonderful."

"I didn't say that. No, no, no. ... We will let you know when we're going to have a family."

So said a very cagey

Mariah Carey

yesterday on

Ellen DeGeneres

' show in reply to questions about whether she and hubby, actor

Nick Cannon,

were expecting a baby. Ellen even tried the alcohol test: She offered the diva a glass of champagne. Mariah didn't drink - but insisted that didn't prove anything.

Britney Spears

will give thanks today in Germany, where she is to be honored with the prestigious Bambi statuette for best international pop star in honor of her "comeback from an absolute low point" in her career.

Brit will perform a tune from

Circus

, her new CD, at a gala party following the awards.

Tim Kring

, creator of the TV hit

Heroes

, has apologized to fans for saying that "watching the show on the air is relegated to the poor saps and [morons] who can't figure out how to program their DVRs." Kring says he made the "boneheaded" faux pas "while trying to explain the rise in DVR and online audience for the show. . . . These platforms now offer a superior way to watch the show."

Beyoncé

, whose marriage to

Jay-Z

wasn't officially unacknowledged for like decades, tells Giant mag her parents taught her marriage takes work. "My parents are tighter now than ever, but they've been through it all," says the diva. "I learned that it's a lot of hard work, that it's more than a dress."

Liz Smith

writes that contrary to reports,

Guy Ritchie

is

not

walking away "without a penny" in his divorce from

Madonna

. He gets "about $70 million," she says. Guy, Smith explains, isn't exactly poor - he was paid $4 mil for his new picture,

Sherlock Holmes

- but he's become accustomed to the mega-wealthy lifestyle he had with Madge. And

no one

, we say, has the right to take that away from him.

The all-American host of NBC's

Last Call With Carson Daly

and his gf of a year,

Siri Pinter

, are expecting their first child.

"They're both thrilled," Carson's rep tells E!Online. "He's always wanted to be a dad."

Perennially ponytailed martial-arts master thespian

Steven Seagal

doesn't just play a lawman on the silver screen; he

is

a cop in real life, too. USAToday.com says the

Fire Down Below

star has been a deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in Louisiana for nearly 20 years.

And Seagal is about to share his life as a real-life superhero in a new reality show.

"I've decided to work with A&E on this series now because I believe it's important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana," says Seagal, who is also a rad singer-songwriter - and a friend to the environment.

Action News

sports director

Gary Papa

disclosed at last week's Delaware County Community Foundation awards banquet that he was again undergoing chemotherapy and radiation treatments for prostate cancer. Papa, 54, was also treated in 2004 and 2006.

The Washington Post says

Nicole Kidman

has discovered she's a woman. She's experienced the magic that flows from sisterhood - the magic of becoming one with Womanhood itself. Case in point: Kidman recently told

Oprah

that shortly after she and a handful of other women went skinny-dipping beneath a magical waterfall in Australia, they all got pregnant! To honor that sisterhood, Kidman gave birth to

Sunday Rose Kidman Urban

in a roomful of women. Pure Gaia magic, that.