DEAR ABBY: My best friend, “Brooke,” started dating a man, “Angus,” last year. From the start, he made a poor impression. He met Brooke while he was dating another woman but didn’t tell Brooke about her. Brooke continued hanging out with him only after he broke up with his girlfriend.
The past few months have been nothing short of awful. I see Brooke weekly for coffee, and all she does is tell me how mean Angus is to her and her family. He calls her names, emotionally manipulates her, tells her what she can and cannot wear and looks through every inch of her phone.
Her family loathes him. Her dad told me he never wants to see him again. They are constantly urging Brooke to end the relationship. None of her friends likes him, and she doesn’t seem to either, but will not, for whatever reason, break up with him.
Last week, they decided to get a puppy together. It’s getting exhausting for all parties, including Brooke. What should I do? Should I just leave it alone and let her figure it out and be there when it ends?
— WISE FRIEND IN NEBRASKA
DEAR WISE FRIEND: You are a supportive friend, but you cannot live Brooke’s life for her. Buying a puppy with someone who is abusive does not bode well for her or for the animal, which may become the focus of the abuser’s anger if he feels he cannot control Brooke. Because she won’t listen to family or friends, Brooke IS going to have to figure things out for herself. Save your advice for people who will listen.
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DEAR ABBY: My longtime friend has distanced herself over the last two years. Unless I call her or invite her to join us at our vacation home, I hear nothing from her, and we are never invited to visit them. We grew up together, were in each other’s weddings, raised our children together and went on many fun trips over the years.
When our husbands were hunting together a few weeks ago, her husband told mine that it would be better if we didn’t mention our grandchildren to them. All of their children have been married and divorced and have no plans to have children. I know she always wanted to be a grandmother, and I am sorry that didn’t happen. Sometimes my grandchildren call while our friends are visiting, and, of course, we have lots of pictures of them around, but we don’t talk about them all the time.
I don’t know how to handle this. I’m hurt that she would cut me off after all these years just because I have grandchildren.
— GAG ORDER IN GEORGIA
DEAR GAG ORDER: She is not cutting you off because you have grandchildren; she is LIMITING HER TIME WITH YOU because she doesn’t, and the phone calls and pictures are depressing for her. A way to handle this would be to see her away from your home so she isn’t constantly reminded.