Hard to drum up much suspense about last night. The only American Idol contestants left were Jessica "Charice" Sanchez, Phillip Phillips IV, Joshua "I Can Sing a Rainbow" Ledet and Plain Old Hollie Cavangh.
I love these end of season installments of Idol. As the options narrow, the necessity for padding goes up, up, up, always leading to the more surreal episodes. As in: Where is former Idol David Cook getting his hair done – Extreme Poodle?
But these long stall sessions are precisely why Ryan Seacrest earns the big money. He is a state of the art time killer. A recent poll named him the person most Americans would want to be stuck in an elevator with. But only if they could bring a mace in with them.
So round and round we go. Jimmy Iovine makes his comments (obviously equipped with the results beforehand). And then Jessica is declared safe. Then Joshua. It's down to Flip and Hollie.
Don't bother with the drumroll. This is a foregone conclusion. Idol typically rid itself of the only singer in the final four. Sanchez and Ledet have incredible voices, but they're not singers. I'm not sure what Phillips is. A parodist?
Don't feel bad, Hollie. Just before your departure, Jennifer Lopez, whom Seacrest introduced as "the matriarch of the show" (ouch!) lip synched her new song, "Dance Again".
This is what it takes to succeed in pop music (right down to the scripted intimacy with the fake boyfriend). See, Hollie? They may have done you a favor.