There is no such thing as a boring conversation with Lenny Dykstra.
Yet for a guy who has admitted to blackmailing umpires, taking steroids prescribed by a "hillbilly doctor" and forcing Craigslist housekeepers to give him a massage, you have to wonder when the former Phillies center fielder is going to run out of things to open up about.
On Tuesday, Dykstra had another revelation to share with the world: He has embarked on a new post-baseball career moonlighting as a male gigolo for elderly women.
"I thought God put me on Earth to entertain people on the baseball field … but He actually put me on earth to [pleasure women]," Dykstra said on Howard Stern's SiriusXM Radio show. "I'm like Picasso."
Dykstra told Stern how several elderly clients pay him for "companionship" and romantic dinner dates. Dykstra noted that for most of the older women, it's more about intimacy than sex. "Their bones are brittle," he said.
Stern asked if Dykstra would have sex with a woman who was Dykstra's age.
"If they paid me," he responded. "It's my duty."
Warning: NSFW language
Dykstra also visited the "Dan Patrick Show," where he made it clear which of his former teams was wilder off the field.
"I didn't even know what partying was with the Mets," Dykstra told Patrick. "That whole Mets team is made out to be some crazy, wild group. Our Phillies made them look like children. … We had fun and made people like it."
Dykstra said he partied hard with his Phillies teammates, whether it was booze, drugs or other things. It was their reputation as a wild crew that made them so intimidating to other squads.
"It was rocketships, roids ... and the other teams knew it, too," Dykstra said. "[The league] didn't want any part of us."
As it does often with Dykstra, the topic quickly turned to steroids, which the slugger admitted he started to take after being traded from the Mets to the Phillies in 1989 and becoming the team's everyday center fielder.
"I'm a small guy," Dykstra told Patrick. "My body just couldn't hold up."
Dykstra said the average fan doesn't understand how grueling the 162-game season is for players.
"As weird as this sounds, I actually did [steroids] for the right reason," Dykstra said. "I did it for my family and my ability to stay on the field."