Cow Pie Contests

(A brief chat twixt Baer & Baer's editor, a.k.a. BE)

JB: You know, of course, of my life-long affection for the annual Pennsylvania Farm Show, the 97th of which is scheduled January 5-12 in Harrisburg.

BE: Of course! The high-fat food, the animals, the life-size butter sculpture, the square dances, the tractor pulls, the sheep-to-shawl competition and my recommended addition – the hog-to-BLT contest.

JB: Exactly so. Well, this year there's a new event that I can't wait another month to point out.

BE: Do tell.

JB: "Cow Patty Bingo!"

BE: I'm half-afraid to ask.

JB: Two cows walk into the large arena on a giant bingo card. Players buy bingo squares for $25 a-pop.

BE: I'm not sure I like where this is headed.

JB: Whichever squares the cows, described as "bovine beauties," plop on -- as in, that's right, drop a cow patty -- are winners!

BE: You are making this up.

JB: I am not making this up. Here's the mention in Wednesday's press notice. And I called the Department of Agriculture to confirm the event and check the details. In fact, here's what the game looks like.

BE: Are the cows, um, primed to poop?

JB: Ag's Nicole Bucher says not, adding that the plan is to "let nature take its course."

BE: And the money?

JB: Goes to scholarships for students involved in the Farm Show, which is nice. But there's one aspect of the event that seems a tad cruel.

BE: And that is?

JB: Prizes for winners include beef and Weber grills.

BE: OUCH! So the "bovine beauties" become burgers?

JB: All intended, as Bucher put it, to be "in keeping with the theme."

BE: Ah, the "patty" theme. Cow patty. Beef patty. I get it.

JB: Seeya at the event. It's BYOS: bring your own spatula.