HERE, provided with absolutely no context, is a sampling of some on-the-record quotes Michael Chitwood has given in his six years as superintendent of the Upper Darby Township Police Department.

*  "There's ladies around or I'd tell you where my anatomy is right now."

*  "On one side, you got prostitution; on the other side, you got cats in the freezer."

*  "It's the United Nations of drug trafficking."

*  "They're doing this double-dealing shuck-and-jive stuff."

*  "These guys are fairly sophisticated even though they're bums."

*  "It just goes to show you: When a bullet leaves a gun, you don't know where it's going to wind up."

*  "Our community is becoming like Baghdad."

*  "All the politicians that made these stupid laws, they should come out here and be victimized to see these guys have to be treated as adults."

*  "He has more tattoos than grass on a lawn."

*  "He decided to take a bus up and rekindle his old flame. Instead of taking her to dinner, he stabs her."

*  "We couldn't process him because he's sitting in the cell masturbating. He wouldn't stop so we had to wait till later to clean him up."

*  "My first reaction was 'What the f---!'"

*  "At one point in time, they were fondling one another in the pew to the point where a couple of the churchgoers had to tell them to stop acting like morons."

*  "Any of these bars, I don't care what community you are in; if they are a toilet, eventually they overflow."

* "They were looking for a problem. Well, both are still in jail, so Merry Christmas to them."